Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-27405979-20160308211537/@comment-27405979-20160309030650

Pigzillion wrote: Ha? I mean, the premise is great(if not unoriginal), and these types of things work great as a comedic tool because of how abrupt each line is, but you need to execute it properly for it to be funny. You've gone from serious to comedic too quickly, and it doesn't fit the tone. Chrollo's first two lines fit his character well, but then he suddenly gets flirty and starts sulking? You can make them in character or out of character; eithers fine, but you can't switch between both otherwise it'll ruin the mood you're going for and it won't be funny. Try changing the fonts in places also, and add punctuation for better timing or to emphasise the character is acting or speaking since the episodes contain speech only.

But yeah, this... Wasn't great. But if you try the tips above it might get marginally better. Maybe... I don't know if  I should make them in or out. What do you think I should do?